I see it rip and tear apart families.
I watch it break down the strongest people
I hear the stories of who they "used" to be before this monster crept in and took over their lives.
I feel the sadness as we discuss hospice with a patient or send a sympathy card for another.
Often people ask me how I can work in such a field.
How do I not get attached and feel heart broken or cry when our beloved patients' battles end?
How do I handle patients when they are young and have so much to live for?
How do I face the 90 year old who tells me they no longer want their scans because they have lived a fulfilling life and just want to enjoy whatever time they have left?
How do I go to work everyday and deal with such a horrible disease: cancer. . .
The answer:
I see the hearts of the family member and how much love they carry for their mother, father, sister, friend etc.
I watch those strong people become brave warriors and fight for one more day.
I hear stories of lives lived with love and passion for adventure.
I feel at ease for those who have made peace with their destiny and relief for those who are no longer in terrible pain every minute of every day.
If I don't do my job with heart and compassion, who will?
I get attached and love so many patients. Some have changed my life more than they will ever know.
I have cried, many, many tears for those who won the war, but lost the fight. It lets me know I still feel. It reminds me I am still in this job for the right reasons.
I remember that there is a plan, and while we don't understand it, it is there. And I have to have faith to push through these horrible situations.
I smile, reassured that they know what decision they need to make for themselves and I feel joy knowing they have lived a life they have truly enjoyed and are proud of.
I go to work everyday and deal with this horrible disease for a thousand reasons; But at the top of that list are the people.
The amazing, kind, sweet, energetic, weird, crazy, sad, angry, generous, jaded, loving, appreciative people. Those who are facing cancer and fighting with everything they have are true heroes. They are the reason I go to work. The reason that when I wipe the tears from losing one amazing patient I can say Hello to another. These people deserve every ounce of energy I can give them.
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