My truth to my first love

I am haunted. Haunted by the love I once felt for you. A love that I walked away from without warning, explanation or reason. I walked away from the first person who taught me how to be loved. I ran far and fast and cut you out like you never existed. 

Years have past and this still haunts me. Not because we should have ended up together, not because I am still in love with you. . and not because i deserve closure. . But because you deserved an explanation. You deserved to know what was going on in my head and my heart. 

I will forever live with the regret of not ending our story with a final chapter because that is what you deserved. You deserved to know that it was my own demons that tore me from you. You need to know that you did nothing wrong. My heart was damaged and broken from a life I lived in secret. You once told me that you would never be disappointed in my choices and you would never judge me. . I felt that certain decisions i made would have gravely changed the way we were. . 

I ran, before you found out I was not the person you loved and cared about so deeply. I ran before you dove into a relationship with someone whom you didn't really know. I did not want to drag you down the path of self destruction I was on. 

While none of this makes it right;; it is my truth. I am so incredibly sorry that I was in such a dark place and didn't give you the respect and love you should have been given. I am will forever be sorry for walking away and cutting you out of my life in such a hurtful manner. 

I also want to say thank you. Thank you for showing me how i should be love. Thank you for listening to my endless dreams and telling me that nothing could ever stop me if I kept chasing after them. Thank you for countless hours of laughter and the feeling of forgetting the rest of the world was surrounding us. Thank you for never once giving up on me. Thank you for continuing to care even after i broke your heart. Thank you for still calling to check in on me every so often. Thank you for being such a better person to me than i ever was to you.. Thank you for being an entire wonderful chapter in my crazy, messed up, amazing, beautiful book. Thank you for never hating me. 

We have both moved on and are living the life we were destined to, I am beyond happy for you as I know you are happy for me. We found the love we both deserved. 

I will forever wish you well and pray that you forgive me. 

LAMYMTYWEKAIWFBSLMA