Have You Ever, , ,

Have you ever met someone and knew instantly that your souls are intertwined?
You know their is a horror story written deep inside.
You remember their smile but know all that they have left behind.

Have you ever peered straight inside ones soul?
You see the agony as you gaze through them, just beyond the fish bowl.
You view there is a depth that is a never ending, dark hole.

Have you ever heard someone speak nothing but lies?
You hear the pain they are trying to hide.
You listen to the crackle and strain as they let out their bloody cries.

Have you ever touched someone and felt a shock run through your veins?
You feel the darkness of their tears like cold drops of rain.
Your fingertips linger as you hold all of their pains.

Have you ever felt that you knew someone before you met?
That a piece of you was missing, a piece your could never quite forget?

Have you ever intimately felt the beat of another's heart?
A person who you are sure you have known from the very start?

Have you ever been lucky enough to find your soul mate?
A guiding light in the a world that is so dark and full of hate.

Have you ever been terrified that they won't feel the same?
Or if they do, will those feeling be everlasting and always remain.

Have you ever met someone and instantly just knew. .
They hold a missing piece of you?

Time.

Time.
Time slips through our life like sand slips through our fingers when
you grasp a handful on the beach.
Time stands still like a statue in a museum.
But either way time feels we are all robbed of the same thing; time.

Time with those we love, time doing what we love, time to chase our
wildest dreams, time to sleep.

Thinking back on my life (yes, i know i am only 28) I have lost so
much to time.
I didn't have the time with my dad I wanted or should have had.
I ran from people and places because I didn't believe the timing was right.
I have spent more time working than living.
Friendships have been lost because too much time has passed.
Memories have faded because days, weeks, months, years; time has
stolen those details.
You no longer remember the sound of loved ones voice.
Or you forget the smell of an old friend when they wrapped their arms
around you.

Time slips through our life like air through our lungs.
Time stands still like a tree in forest on a calm day.
But either way we are robbed of time. . .

Keeping Up With The Klingler's

Everyone always says marriage is just a piece of paper. I don't know why people say that or how they can feel that way. Marrying my best friend was single handedly the best day of my life. And now, after being married for 4 days, I can say that I do feel differently and life is different. Being married is a feeling of security and a feeling of "home." It's a feeling I've never known before and one I am so blessed to now experience and be living. 
While Jason went back to work on Sunday, just as he always does. . it is now my husband that I have to worry about being on the road. It is now my husband that I say goodbye to every Sunday. It is now my husband that I call three times a day to check up on him and I have to tell you it is an AMAZING feeling. 

Our wedding day could not have been more perfect. We were surrounded by all the ones we loved and we got to marry each other. What could have been better?!
All the people who have been there for me when i was at the lowest points in my life were now able to see me at the happiest point in my life. And i could not have imagined it going any better than it did. 
I was so glad I was able to enjoy every moment. I stepped back and watched everyone at different points in the day and the room was filled with so much love. 
We are truly blessed and eternally grateful for all those who love us and support our love. 

You call. . .

You call, every time you are the one to dial my number.
I answer, each time I say hello and my heart sinks a little lower than before.

We chit chat and make small talk.

You ask if I'm happy, I always say "most days; you know no one is ever happy all the time." You used to whisper that to me way back when. Way back when I always said I was fine while my world shifted and crashed around me.
I ask if you're happy. You stutter and tell me there will never be anyone who makes you as happy as your dreamer did.
I sigh. I know you miss what we had. I miss the bond and friendship, too. I've never denied that.

You ask if I'm married, you know I will be soon. You tell me you're happy for me and I deserve someone who treats me like the queen I am. You say you hope he knows what a lucky man he is. And that you pray I have found the one who I won't run from when I get scared or insecure.

You remember so well. Even if it's been a thousand years since it was us. A thousand days that have passed since I walked out and told you not to chase after me.

My chapters have grown and a thousand pages have been scribbled on since then.
 Yet, you call.

And just as I'm trying to tell you I'm sorry, that I never intended for this to be how it turned out. Just as I'm finding the words to tell you that you deserved to know why I did it, why I completely shut you out when I needed you the most. . Just as I'm ready to spill my pain over the drugs, and drinking and bad choices I was making that would have left you disappointed in me. Just as the words reach the tip of my tongue . . .

You tell me you have to go. You just wanted to check on me. You say you'll call again sometime.

I tell you I'm happy for you and I'll talk to you again someday.

You hang up, every time you call you hang up just before I get to tell you all I have wanted to for the last decade.
I bottle those feelings back up, each time and think maybe next time I'll be able to get these demons out on the line. . Or maybe this is my punishment for never giving you the answers you so truly deserved.

You'll always be my ghost. I will forever be haunted.

Knowing Me; A Quiz

"They" (being some random people on the internet) say the best way to get to know someone is ask these fifty questions. So here are the questions with my answers. :)

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?
Losing my dad & my mom leaving was the biggest event that shaped me into a stronger person.
Being molested by my half brother and cousin also forced me to be strong.

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?
selling my childhood home made me feel weak or like a failure. . but looking back now it was the best decision for me at that time. I kept the house while i needed to and sold it when it was no longer home to me.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself?
With my friends & Jason. . the ones who have known me the longest and stood the test of time with me. The people I don't have to explain myself to.

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to?
I love riding in the jeep or buggies on a dirt road when the stars are out. . for a moment i forget everything else around me.
If I'm by myself I like to just drive around and listen to music or go to Cori's. 

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?
That's a tough one. I think my dad had a profound influence on me. but I have always had a handful of former teachers (now current friends) who all have given me pieces of themselves and shaped me into who i am now. And everyone who had crossed my path has shaped me in one way or another.

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
at this point in my life I'm working toward changing my weight. . not because of my physical appearance but because I want to be around when my nieces are older and grow old with Jason. 

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?
get everyone i love together so i could spend my day with them.

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?
I don't know about 'belong' but i'd love to have lived in the 20's or 30's.

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?
Blood family? none. My own family - all of them. :)

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?
Cori. She knows everything about me and then some.

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend?
she can make me laugh at any given moment.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?
a school counselor.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?
I do identify with people on shows and in books. . similar story lines, troubles, worries. etc. The most recent would be Hannah in 13 Reasons Why.

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?
I think i accept them well enough.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?
non

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?
my smile or my hair. haha

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?
my heart, (although it can be my least favorite too. .)

18. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Absolutely

19. Do you believe in soul mates?
All different kids. Love, friendship, etc.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes?
fairly. Mine are normally accurate.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times?
Yes, a few.

22. What makes you fall in love with someone?
Personality and a huge heart.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?
I guess it means laying it all on the line and being completely open with someone. I am most vulnerable with those i trust because I take of my armor around my heart.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?
Anything I want to ask a man I'd just ask Dennis. lolol

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?
many things that aren't appropriate for this.

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex?
If i'm speaking physical - i look at eyes and smile on both sexes.

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?
I'd love to know more about my heritage.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?
visit ireland & greece or sky dive.

29. Why haven’t you done it yet?
I need to save up the money before i do it.

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?
I would still love to be a counselor in inner city schools or a grief counselor.

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do?
Sleep in then probably laundry, and clean the house.

32. What was the last thing that made you cry?
Jason and I talking about my dad.

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
One of the girls at work was telling a story about wearing two different shoes an entire weekend.

34. What is your favorite memory?
One of the best memories I have is going to Baltimore with Jason for our first valentines day weekend together. We explored the inner harbor, went to the aquarium, ate at fancy places, went to dive bars and just enjoyed being with each other in a place where no one else knew us.

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you?
it takes so much to make me embarassed. . so I'm not sure i have a good answer for this. . 

36. What is your biggest fear?
being abandon/forgotten.

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?
No Regrets. Everything I've done has led me to where I am now.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break?
I'm sure I have. Skinny dipping in places you shouldn't, underage drinking, etc.

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
Drove to Pittsburgh at 8pm for a 30 minute "hi/bye" stop and drove home. lol

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger?
Sure, how else do you meet new people?

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)?
More than likely.

42. What’s your favorite joke?
my bank account. hahahahaha
no but really, any that Jason tells. . when you get him and his Pops on a roll they tell some funny jokes. 

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person?
I love dogs. . but can't be around them cause of my allergies.

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
a Turtle.

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy?
I mean Jason and I do watch the Minion movies a lot. haha

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?
A free spirit with a heart of gold - My dad's words.

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be?
I think i'd go back to 13. I had some wonderful people in my life then, my dad was still alive, and i was starting to find my way.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?
Heaven.

49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?
I'm not judgmental. Age,sex,religion, gender, race. . none of that matters to me. & i love UNCONDITIONALLY. . once i love you, i love you for the rest of my life. Truly.

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?
My life with always having a missing piece. . my poppa.

Nine Years.

Dear Poppa;;

Hi. How are you? How have you been?

Yes, I know. It's that time, yet again. 

I still get angry that you can't be here. 

So many new adventures are happening this year. 

I'm getting married and have made an amazing life. 

Oh how I wish you were here to give me away when I become Jason's wife. 

You'd love him, Poppa. . I just know you would! 

He always tells me he'd bring you back, if only he could. 

He treats me well, knows he's pretty lucky, and truly makes me laugh. 

He repeatedly listens to my stories about you and looks at all our photographs. 

When we're out on a buggy ride I always look up and imagine you beside me. 

Smiling ear to ear, I can't help but think it's where you should be. 

I have worked hard to become a woman you would be proud to have raised. 

The strength I have from you being my dad has left me more than amazed. 

I know you will be watching me & guiding me until the end of my time.

But that doesn't replace you being next to me, my partner in crime. 

I miss today, tomorrow and always. .  .until we meet again. . 

I love you, Poppa. . Thank you for being my very first best friend. 

- Desiree Angelica Young

forever young*12/29/62 - 02/29/08

Tiny Best Friends

Tiny Best Friends. 
You are so much more than my nieces. 
You are such a huge piece of my heart.
When you two walk into a room and run for Aunt Dez all of the bad in the world vanishes. You bring laughter and love into my life more than I could ever put into words. 

I want you to know that I will always be here for you both. 
I will be a shoulder to cry on from scrapped knees to broken hearts.
I will listen to any story you wish to share no matter how silly or wild. 
I will encourage you to follow your heart down whatever road you choose to travel in your lifetime. 
I will be your confident and give you the best advice I can. 
I want you both to know that being your Aunt is one of my favorite titles to bare and nothing can or will ever change the pride and love I have for you two, my tiny best friends. 

I promise to never judge any decisions you make along the way to becoming the strong, amazing, beautiful, kind souls you are meant to be. 
I will, however, give you tough love when you need it. 
I will push you to reach for the stars because that is where you belong.
I will wipe your tears when you feel as though you have failed & reassure you that you will be okay again. 

I will always wish we had more time together. Please know how hard being away from you both is for me. 
If you call me at 2am at a party, or because you have good news, or need a friend;; I will drop whateverI am doing and drive however far I need to to be there for you. 
I will always be one of your biggest fans. Softball, cheerleading, dance, 4-H, any of it;; you will find me there when I can be and I may even embarrass you yelling your name so loud but please remember it is because I am beaming with pride over you. 
I promise to attempt to shield you from all the negatives in this crazy world for as long as I can. 

Above all of this;; I promise to never stop loving you. You are two of the most important people in my life and that will never change. I love you with everything ounce of who I am and want to give you both the world. 

I also want to thank you. Thank you for letting me be your Aunt. Thank you for running into my arms and giving me the biggest hugs on my worst days and loving me without judgment. 

Alyssa said it best this past Christmas when she told me "Aunt Dez, I know why you don't want babies. . you don't need any babies because Emily and I are your special babies."
I could not have said it better myself. 

You will both forever be my special babies & my tiny best friends. 
I love you , to the moon and back.